Matchmaker
by fandidot
Summary: -Sequal to 'Hinata's Secret Admirer- So, Sakura and Naruto's wedding is soon, and it's normal, right? WRONG! The sand sibs are in town, and the rookie nine decide to play matchmaker! How will things end for poor Tenten?
1. The Secret of The World!

**(A/N I got some humor I needed to get out, so enjoy! Also, I'm going to be helping my sister with some of her writing. Her name is Moonet)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto…. And…. Stuff…**

**Tenten's POV:**

Ah, what a normal day in Konoha! Scratch that, not so much a normal day… It was Naruto and Sakura's wedding! I was invited, along with the entire rookie nine and the sand sibs! I was sitting under an oak tree, which was right in front of a babbling brook.

I knew Hinata would be excited, since she would be able to tease the newly dubbed 'Panda Stalker' A.K.A, Gaara, about him blushing when Hinata kissed his forehead. I would've loved to blackmail that. Oh well, anything to see Temari. She was in the 'non-Sasuke' fan club. Aside from that, we were all best friends. And that left Kankuro, who usually pulled pranks on the villagers and did his pervert-like things.

I was happy, because Hinata dropped her façade around Temari and I and we got to see the confident Hinata. As I was about to think more of the day, the pervert plopped down next to me.

"What do you want, perv?", I asked.

"That hurts, I taught you guys the secret of the world and you repay me by calling me perv? That hurts", He said sarcastically.

"FOR THE LAST TIME, NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR FREAKING CHOCOLATE AND TOOTH PASTE! Why the hell do you carry around chocolate and toothpaste?"

"Well… Wait! I have an idea! You can see what happened through flashback!"

"Impossible, that only happens in anime!"

"Well, let's try anyway"

**Flashback:**

_Kankuro was walking back from the grocery store, with the following items:_

_Chocolate_

_Tooth paste_

_Marshmallow cream_

_Cook books_

_Pokemon cards_

_And other random crap._

_As he turned a corner, he saw a shady fortune teller._

_"Hello child, I-"_

"_AHHHHHH! GAY RAPIST/PEDOPHILE/STALKER!!!!!! EAT CHOCOLATE AND TOOTH PASTE, BITCH!" he said, as he threw the chocolate and tooth paste at the random fortune teller._

_"AHHHHHH! I'm melting, I'm melting!", and with that said, he really did… melt… wow…_

"_Oh chocolate and tooth paste, I'm never leaving home without you! Who knows what that rapist/stalke- oh, wait a minute… that's just some harmless old guy! Well… shit"_

**End of retarded flashback…**

"Wow… I can't believe that worked", I said, completely awed.

"Me neither…", he replied, just as awed.

"Do you know what this means?!"

"What?"

"It means we're in… AN ANIME! *DUN DUN DUN*"

"That explains why nothing in this show makes sense!"_ U_nbeknownst to the two shinobi, another person, no, people were talking about them…

**Temari's POV:**

"Are you serious?!", Hinata screamed at me.

"Yep, I'm serious, Kankuro really **did **make a Barbie puppet."

"No, that he has a crush on ol' Tennie!"

"Oh, yep, and do you know what that means?"

"No, what?"

"It means we have to play matchmaker!"

**Tenten's POV:**

"So, before the anime makes us make any less sense, why are you here?"

"Oh, I just got here from Suna with Temari and Gaara. Temari went to go see the shy girl (Sureeeeee she's shy… hehehe…), and Gaara went to go be emo"

"No, Sasuke's emo, Gaara is a stalker… who just so happens to look like a panda… a panda stalker!"

"Ohhhh…"

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**Yeah, so I made this because I liked my other fic, "Hinata's secret Admirer", so I decided to make this! Please review, as I am still a newbie… sorry if it's too short, I'll make the next chapter longer!**


	2. insert title here

**(A/N Yay! Chapter two! I like pie…. And stuff?)**

**Disclaimer: Okay, it's time for someone to do the disclaimer!**

**Sasuke: Forget it!**

**Do you want me to make you look like a fag again?**

**Sasuke: Fandidot does not own Naruto!**

**(I'm going to make him a freak anyway… hehehe…)**

**Neji's POV:**

Well, everyone had forgiven me for my back stabbing of Tenten, and I still felt bad for it. Then, my girlfriend, Ami, came up to me.

"Hey, Ami-chan", I said.

"Neji-kun", she purred. She was beautiful. Orange hair with pink highlights, somehow, she had random glitter all over her, making her look magival-

_**Some Random work Place…**_

"Jeez Tim, you should stop randomly blowing glitter in peoples' direction"

"Sorry, Bob"

_**Back to Neji…**_

Wait a minute, that bastard of an author is reusing material! She'll never get reviews that way! (Yes I will) Oh no you won't! Well, back to this completely Mary-sue description of this… well… Mary-sue! She had rainbow color eyes and-

_One freaking LONG description later…_

That ended at her waste.

"Soooo… Neji-kun, did you hear the news?"

"What news?"

"Your old girlfriend was seen at the river with the puppet boy"

"…OH MY GOD! I THOUGHT SASORI WAS DEAD! DAMN SAKURA FOR BRAGGING!"

"…No, the other one…"

"Oh…. Wait a minute! He was the one who used the forbidden chocolate and tooth paste rule on me! Damn him!"

**Tenten's POV:**

"And that's how Canada was made", I concluded.

"Why is it that after someone does a POV change to conversation it alkways end with 'And so that's how…'?"

"Because this is an anime, the only thing that makes even less sense is the English dub!"

"No, fanfics make less sense than that!"

"Wait a minute, what if we are in a fan fic made by some weird fourteen-year-old girl with no life?!"

"Stop talking crazy!"

**With the rookie nine…**

Hinata, Gaara, Shikamaru, Temari, Neji, Shino, Kiba, Sakura, Ino, Lee, Sasuke, Naruto, Chouji, and Shikamaru were at a meeting, discussing what the... uhh… summary said!

"So… did you guys hear?", Kiba asked, excitedly.

"No, what?", Sasuke asked.

"Shino sings 'skaterboy' when no one's around!", Kiba shrieked. Everyone started an insane laughter round, after which, Hinata found Gaara trying to stifle a giggle.

"Poke", she said, poking Gaara.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"I-I-I'm p-p-poking the p-panda stalker…", she said innocently. _Damn… that façade really DOES work…_ he thought.

"No no no, we were going to discuss the issues concerning Tenten and Kankuro", Temari said, exasperated.

"Oh, right, well… I'd say they were discussing the meaning to their life and the possibility of this being a fan fic", Naruto pitched.

"Naruto, that's got to be the most retarded thing that's ever come out of your mouth!", Sakura screamed, whacking her fiancée upside the head.

**Temari and Kankuro…**

"So Kankuro, want to go make Ami's life living hell?"

"So, you want me to torture a living girl, just because she stole your boyfriend?"

"…Yep!"

"Damn women, you are AWESOME! As compared to Temari when she's PMSing…" Steering from the… awkward conversation, they started walking towards Ami's house.

"So Kankuro, what should we do to Ami?"

"Ummm… I know! Let's replace her shampoo with go-gurt!"

"Jeez Kankuro, what's with you and the freaking desserts?!"

"*Sniff* My parents didn't love me enough as a child"

"…That… doesn't make any sense…" As Kankuro was about to reply, they arrived at Ami's house.

"…It would've made sense to get the supplies, then come here… wouldn't it?", Tenten asked.

"Oops… heh-heh…"

"Ah, crap. Now we have to go to the grocery store!"

"No we don't, I always carry emergency go-gurt. It all started when-"

"I'm leaving before you have another retarded flashback", Tenten said, as she jumped into the house. Kankuro followed, and they started off towards Ami's bathroom.

"Crap, so this is what a Mary-Sue's house looks like… It's kinda creepy", Kankuro said, shuddering.

"Stop talking before the writer gets bored writing us and switches to another POV"

**Temari's POV (Tenten: DAMN IT!)**

"Hey, I've got an Idea", I heard Kiba say.

"What is it?", Ino said. Wow, she seemed enthusiastic…

"Let's play matchmaker!" That explains thi- hey wait a minute! That was my idea!

"I'm not matching the diabolical Tenten with an idiot like Kankuro, who knows what kind of horrors will fall upon this town?!", Chouji asked, munching on his chips.

"All I can think of is them playing pranks on Ami… troublesome", Shikamaru said.

"Is there anything else you can say besides 'troublesome'?", I asked.

"What a drag"

"HEY! OBSENE ENGLISH DUB REFERANCE!"

"Woohoo… matchmaking…", Sasuke said sarcastically.

"Say all you want, but I have some blackmailing material if you don't help…", Shino said, waving a video tape in the air.

"What is that, my youthful comrades?", I give you five seconds to guess who that is.

"Well, Lee, this is a tape recording of Sasuke, dressed like a slut, singing 'Barbie Girl'." Which started another round of laughter, Gaara's stifled snicker, and Hinata with a stick… poking Gaara.

**Tenten's POV:**

"Hey, over here", I heard Kankuro say.

"Did you find it?"

"Yep, now hurry up before she gets home from finding homes for orphaned puppies!"

"She **IS **a Mary-Sue. I bet she just kicks the puppies."

"Me too", he said, emptying the bottle in the sink. "Now, hand me the go-gurt tubes" I handed them to him, and he started emptying the contents into the bottle.

"Ah, nothing like a day of kicking orphaned puppies", I heard Ami say from the floor below. _Wow,_ I thought_. She really does kick puppies!_

"I think I'm just going to take a shower now" wow… weird coincidence…

"Kankuro, we have to leave! _**Now!**_"

"Wow, your dialog is bold, underlined, and italicized! The author must be serious!"

"Just move!", and we jumped out the window! Yays!

**Five minutes later:**

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Well, that was a scream I bet all of Konoha heard…

**Kankuro: I didn't think it was that bad…**

**Tenten: Heh-heh-heh…**

**Neji: My girlfriend is a sissy…**

**Chouji: I knew that it would be like this!**

**Hinata: Poke the panda stalker!**

**Gaara: *twitch***

**Temari: I think my bitch senses are tingling… I need to kick some ass!**

**Shikamaru: Troublesome…**

**Ino: Wow, I have gossip to spread!**

**The rest of the rookie nine: Wow, lesson learned: Never cheat on Tenten…**

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**Woot! That was a fun chapter! ****Next Chapter: Return of the Dreaded Chatroom!**

**PS: A Mary-Sue is a perfect character that all the boys flock over. Also, if you want this stuff to make sense, you should read "Hinata's secret Admirer"**

**Reviews make me happy! Please review!**


	3. Return of the Chatroom of DOOM!

**Fandidot: Woot! Next chapter!**

**Moonet: Lol**

**Fandidot: what's so funny?**

**Shonzo-chan: I LIKE NANNERS!!!!!**

**Fandidot: Dude, what the hell?**

**Shonzo-chan: BANANNERS TO BE EXACT!!!**

**Moonet: Lol**

**Fandidot: wow… anyways, someone do the disclaimer.**

**Moonet: What's a crossover?**

**Fandidot: It's where someone decides one freaking anime isn't enough so they add another.**

**Moonet: Oohhhhhh**

**Fandidot: Disclaimer! SOMEONE DO THE FLIPPING DISCLAIMER!!!**

**Shonzo-chan: What the hell is a disclaimer?!?!**

**Hinata: I'll do it. Fandidot does not own Naruto.**

**Fandidot, Moonet, and Shonzo-chan: where did she come from?**

**Liney breaky liney breaky**

**Ramen_luvr890 has logged on**

**Too_lazy_to_make_a_name has logged on**

**Fan_girl has logged on**

**Mind_controller has logged on**

**Sweet_hyuuga has logged on**

**Destiney123 has logged on**

**Barbie_gurl has logged on**

**10_10 has logged on**

**Puppet_masta has logged on**

**Power_of_Youth has logged on**

**Cherry_blossom has logged on**

**Panda_stalker has logged on**

**Bug_controller has logged on**

**Not_fat has logged on**

**Dog_boy has logged on**

Panda_stalker: WHO THE HELL CHANGED MY NAME?!

Sweet_hyuuga: I did *Smiles*

Panda_stalker: great, now the fans will think I stalk pandas…

Not_fat: no, they'll just think you're a stalker… who looks like a panda… a panda stalker!

10_10: Hey, that was my line in the first chapter!

10_10 has logged off

Barbie_gurl: Hey, I thought the dobe and Sakura's wedding was yesterday?

Ramen_luvr890: Seriously Sasuke, CHANGE YOUR FUCKING PEN NAME!!!

Barbie_gurl: How will Barbie know I'm her biggest fan?

Barbie_gurl: …oops

Barbie_gurl has logged off

Puppet_masta: wow, that scarred me for life… I'm logging off!

Puppet_masta has logged off

Fan_girl: Ok, now that Kankuro and Tenten are gone, let's talk strategy!

Too_lazy_to_make_a_name: troublesome…

Fan_girl: TROUBLESOME?! THINK HOW TROUBLESOME IT WAS FOR THE AUTHOR TO TYPE IN YOUR NAME!!!

Dog_boy: Okay, we know they both like weapons and pranking, what else?

Panda_stalker: Kankuro likes to lip sync to Avril Lavigne

Cherry_blossom: I'm bored, I don't feel like hooking people up.

Cherry_blossom has logged off

Mind_controller: Well, Tenten likes weapons.

Fan_girl: yeah, so does Kankuro! Except he limits himself to just puppets.

Destiney123: They pulled a prank on my sweet Ami!

Bug_controller: Hey, I would've done the same. She's a Mary-Sue who likes to kick puppies!

Destiney123: true…

Ramen_luvr890: DIE YOU DAMN MARY-SUES!!!

**10_10 has logged on**

**Puppet_masta has logged on**

10_10: hey guys, I'm back!

Puppet_masta: Me too!

Panda_stalker: Oh great, were you two masturbating?

10_10: no, but I'll give you ten seconds to find out what we did!

*In the backround*

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

Destiney123: You pulled another prank on Ami?

Puppet_masta: YEP!

Mind_controller: hey guys, wanna play truth or dare?

Everyone (I'm too lazy to type in all of the names): sure!

Sweet_hyuuga: *Pokes Panda_stalker with stick*

Panda_stalker: *twitch*

Mind_controller: Okay, Gaara, truth or dare?

Panda_stalker: dare

Mind_controller: I dare you to tell us who you have a crush on!

Panda_stalker: This is a Kankuten fanfic.

Mind_controller: …damn

10_10 and Puppet_masta: A WHAT?!

Too_lazy_to_make_a_name: troublesome…

Power_of_Youth: Awww, my youthful friend Tenten is in youthful love with the youthful-

10_10: Lee, if you don't shut the bloody hell up I will go over there and make you in the most painful way possible!

Fan_girl: Don't worry Ten, ignore Gaara's stupid comment.

Mind_controller: Kankuro, who do you have a crush on?

Puppet_masta: … Canada?

Power_of_Youth: NO WAY! Canada is my youthful friend!

Not_fat: No Lee, Canada is a country…

Power_of_Youth: oh… well-

*Thunderclap*

-Everyone has been disconnected-


	4. FOOD FIGHT!

**Looks like I'm alone on the disclaimer… Well, I'd like to thank my little sister Moonet for adding her version of a Gaahina moment into her story: Camp Ninja. Anyone who decides to read it, please don't blame her for any spelling and/or grammar mistakes. She has to use notebook which is a pretty sucky program.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did… I don't have any jokes right now…**

**Tenten's POV:**

Woohoo! It's Sakura and Naruto's wedding! If there's one thing I learned from previous weddings, it's that you should congratulate the bride and groom BEFORE the wedding. Seriously, or else you walk in on some… eh… you know… anyway, I was sitting under the shade of a tree with, Shino, Hinata, Gaara, Kankuro, and Temari. We really didn't do mush until…

"Poke the panda", Hinata said, as she pulled out a stick.

"God damn it woman, will you ever-", he cut himself off, and a sadistic grin spread across his face. Wow… I'm guessing Hinata's going to be mentally scarred in a moment. Yep. Gaara, being the bastard he is, disappeared and then reappeared behind Hinata and hugged her. And everyone knows how she gets when she is hugged.

"AHHHHHH!!!!! PERSONAL BUBBLE! PERSONAL BUBBLE!", she shrieked, struggling to get out of his hold.

"I wouldn't have to do this if you wouldn't fucking poke me with a stick!"

"Panda! PUT ME DOWN YOU SON OF A ***** *** **** ** *****ING *** AND **** WITH ******ING ****!!!!!!!!!", Everyone stared at her with the expression O.O" (including Gaara) using this as a distraction, she wriggled out of his grasp and hid behind me.

"Personal bubble *twitch*", she said, in a shaky voice.

"Kankuro! I need you to help me carry Hinata to a therapist before she decides to murder Gaara!", I shouted. Shino, being Hinata's teammate, and Temari, being Hinata's friend, decided to come along, too.

"If any of you tell anyone of my façade I will not hesitate to kill you", Hinata said, as Kankuro and I picked her up. Gaara, deciding the whole personal bubble thing was his fault, decided to play therapist.

"I'll do it"

"Gaara, careful or she will kill you in the creepiest way possible", Temari warned.

"How bad could it be?"

"There are hundreds of ways to kill with a rabbit", at this, everyone sweat dropped.

**Before Sakura's wedding:**

"Wow Sakura-chan, you look beautiful!", Hinata exclaimed, examining Sakura. (I'm a tomboy, so I don't have very good style, and probably can't do a good description… here goes!) She had her hair up in a loose bun with parts of her hair framing her face. She had a light blush dusting her cheeks, and a thin amount of eyeliner on her eye lashes, smudged a little bit. Her dress came to a stop where you could only see the toes of her shoes, and it was decorated with sequins, with frills at the end. (*gags* too *gasp* much *wheeze* girliness!)

"Thank you, Hinata!", she exclaimed. I frowned. Seriously, I know Sakura was jealous of Hinata about the whole Gaara thing. She was getting married for Christ's sake! I have no clue as to how she would accept Naruto's proposal if she still had a crush on Gaara. I was snapped out of my reverie as Temari and Ino walked in, announcing everyone had to go and sit with the rest of the guests.

**One fucking LONG Reception later…**

**Temari's POV**

"You may now kiss the bride!", the priest said. Just as Naruto was about to kiss Sakura…

"KANKURO! YOU BASTARD!", I heard Tenten scream, as she ran in from the kitchen. What was it now? Wait a minute! They're doing this in front of a whole lot of people! This. Sucks. Ass.

"HEY! JUST BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T DUCK IN TIME DOESN'T MEAN IT'S MY FAULT!!"

"WHEN I SAY 'HAND ME THE FREAKING CAKE ICING', I DON'T MEAN DUMP THE CAKE BATTER ON ME!!", I knew it was a bad idea to ask THEM to make the cake.

"NOT MY FAULT!"

"OH YEAH, WELL-", and with that, she dumped a bowl of punch on Kankuro's head.

"HELL YEAH! FOOD FIGHT!", I heard Hinata scream. The people who knew about her façade sweat dropped, while the rest just stared at her in shock. "Oops… If any of you tell anyone I don't stutter, you will wake up in hell" Wow… that was… creepy. Back to the matter at hand. Wow, in about two seconds it was chaos! Considering we were supposed to have dinner after the wedding, and the food was sitting out… well, you'll see. I was about to make a run for it, when I was hit with a pie. I whipped around to see who it was, and saw Shikamaru. I put on the creepiest fake smile I could and grabbed a fish.

"Shikamaru, you know the minute you did that you stepped into hell", I said, in an incredibly creepy sweet voice. I walked over to him, grabbed his shirt, and stuffed the fish down it. While we started our civilized (Yeah, if yelling yo mamma jokes at each other was civilized) I noticed the others doing their weird stuff.

**Hinata's POV:**

Creeping behind Gaara with a pie, I snickered. This is gonna be so much fucking FUN! I lightly tapped on his should, and when he turned around, I slammed the pie on his head.

"Pie'd the panda stalker!", I shouted. Then the unexpected happened. He smirked. Wait a minute, why the hell is that so shocking? Damn author (I swear, all of these people hate me!) As I was contemplating on what that smirk meant, he snuck behind me… again… and hugged me.

"PERSONAL BUBBLE! PERSONAL BUBBLE!!! GAARA, IF YOU DON'T LET ME GO, I GAURANTEE THEY'LL HAVE TO FIND A NEW SPOT IN HELL FOR YOU!"

"Good lord women, what's with all the death threats lately?"

"I need my freaking space!"

"Wow, talk about OOC"

"You're one to talk…"

**Tenten's POV:**

Well, since we had started the food fight, I had flipped a table so that it acted as a shield for me. He had done the same, and we were throwing random food at each other. (I'm sure you can imagine what the church looks like now, hm?)

"This is war!", I screamed.

"You're on, woman!"

"Gather your friends, because I guarantee you this will not end pretty!" I gathered Ino, who was smothering Kiba in ramen, Hinata, who was being hugged by Gaara, and Temari, who was running from Shikamaru. Kankuro gathered Gaara, Shikamaru, Kiba, Shino, Neji, and Lee. Chouji had a mission and Naruto was… making out with Sakura behind the priests podium. Well, we basically started throwing random food at each other again.

"This is madness!", Kiba shouted.

"Kiba, if you're trying to redo 300 over again I swear to god you will never see Akamaru again", Ino yelled. The fight continued on for about an hour longer, until Tsunade came in dressed like a sheriff.

"All right buckaroos, I wanna know what's goin' down in this joint… ya'll"

"Well, ya see, Kankuro and Tenten were baking a cake for the wedding", Ino started, as Kankuro and I were nose-to-nose, glaring at each other. "And when Tenten asked Kankuro for the icing, he dumped cake batter on her, then ran in an angry Tenten and really scared Kankuro, after that, a food fight happened, and Jackie Chan appeared for no reason what so ever, gave Hinata a bendy straw, and left. So the food fight continued for another really long time and it turned into a food war, then Kiba was about to make a Sparta 300 reference, then you came", she finished quickly. Little did I know that Hinata was looking at me and Kankuro, much like a predator to two mice. Before I could blink, she appeared behind us and pushed our heads together. She started laughing like a maniac and soon everyone was looking at her, and they redirected their stares towards Kankuro and I. I pulled back and started to repeatedly spit on the carpet. I glared at Hinata and saw her winking at me. I inwardly groaned. _She sure is gonna have hell to pay!_ I mentally screamed.

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**Come on, did you really expect me to do some nice little wedding for Sakura and Naruto? It certainly was fun to write, though! Please review… and stuff.**


	5. another fucking sequel Oh the joy

**Hello whoever is currently reading this joyess author's note! I'm writing to say I'm writing a sequel! …again! And uh… there will be some…. Humor and stuff! What fun! …don't judge me!**


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